Staying Calm

I am pleased to report that I am not quite as stiff as I had been.  It's nice to have a little more flexibility.  I'm a little more energetic, too.  I have more power under the hood, especially in the evening.  It makes me feel more confident about living a full life.

I also have more flexibility dealing with setbacks.  My initial reaction is a slight panic, but I am able to calm down enough to focus on what needs to be done.  I don't feel defeated like I once did.  I am back to my old normal self, I think. 

It's now time to establish a new, improved normal.  I have been an under-achiever; I have not lived up to my potential.  Instead of doing the things I could, I would wear myself out just thinking about the things I'd like to do or how I would deal with problems, both real and imagined.  It's a habit I've had since I was a child.  I'd be foolish to think I won't go there again.

My challenge now is to be aware of the allure of a fantasy world.  As I get better, I can feel that old excitement rising up within me.  It's not all bad; it's good to have dreams and goals.  The danger for me is allowing that excitement to take over and divert my attention from the real world.  It not only could hinder me from taking real action to change me life, but it also could intensify my negative reactions to any setbacks.  (And make setbacks more likely.)

I'm using my daily to-do list to help me keep my focus.  I look at my goals for the next six months, then I make a list of the things I can do each day to help me achieve those goals.  It feels good to look at my list and to see the items that I've checked off each day.  Living the the real world doesn't feel as good as living in a fantasy world, but it is a different kind of well-being.  I suppose it's similar to achieving sobriety.  My fantasy world was my drug of choice.  It gave me a high, but it was a false high, full of empty promises.  That world has got its temptations, and I could still succumb to them, but I know that the real world is where real satisfaction lies.  One day at a time.

So, right now, today, I feel pretty satisfied with how I'm doing.  I was feeling excited last night about my handling of the issues of the day.  That was a cause for concern because I've often had trouble shutting down at night to sleep.  I'm happy to report that I was able to sleep well last night, although I woke up thinking about the things I needed to do today.  Just stay focused, girl, and you'll do okay!

It's not the load that breaks you down - its the way you carry it.  ~~Lou Holtz