First Day of Night Shift

I have two things this morning - time and an internet connection.  Well, an internet connection for the time being, anyway. 

I've got night shift written in the title, but it's really an evening shift.  But you know the Census Bureau.  If you're looking for sense in the census, you're looking in the wrong place.

Looking back, it seems to me that there wre a lot of little things that contributed to things going wrong.  For one thing, I think I got carried away, dreaming of having an awesome vegetable garden.  I wanted green beans, tomatoes, cucumbers, eggplant, bell peppers, and okra.  And an herb garden, too.  My yard is low, and stayed mushy-wet all winter.  The soil is mostly clay.  Preparing a garden would require a lot of work.  I spent a lot of time thinking about how to get it done.  Then, the weekend I was going to get started, I got sick, then I started working overtime, and the garden idea slowly died.  The thing is, even if I had not gotten sick, I wasn't being realistic about what I could do.  It would have been better if I had started with some tomato plants or some herbs, just to get started.  I have a hard time starting slowly with something; I always want to build a castle instead of a tree house.

For another thing, I stopped making lists.  I nearly reached the end of my little spiral notebook, and I couldn't find the other two that came in the pack.  I remember putting them in the northeast bedroom, but I can't find them there, or anywhere else, for that matter.  Instead of getting more little notebooks, I stopped writing things down.  Not writing things down in that little notebook did more than just causing me to forget things.  The way I lived each day changed as well.  I didn't live each day so much as I made it through each day. 

All of this happened slowly, a little bit at a time.  Through it all, I was sure that things would get better, the next day, the weekend, the next week.  I did not have a grasp on how I was doing.  Maybe part of it was that I did not want to admit that I wasn't doing well. 

I know I make it difficult for those who are trying to help.  All I can say is to trust your instincts, and keep pushing until you are satisfied you know how I'm doing.  Call me out when you think I'm covering up.