All We Have Is Now

Yesterday I did normal household activities, and I ran out of steam sometime after lunch. It is disappointing that I don’t have more stamina. Thinking back, I had a similar time at Thanksgiving. I remember being really tired that day. I lay down and rested before lunch at Lois’s house. A few days later, I had much more energy.


I don’t know if there is an emotional connection to this physical condition. Perhaps the holidays and considering a return to work are affecting me. It could be that I’ve got some anxiety that is wearing me down. I just want to be careful that I am not falling into an old pattern of thinking that I have everything figured out. I am famous for believing that I have a handle on things, that I have found the answer, which makes me feel better, while my life remains the same. Right now, I have to say that I don’t have a handle on my physical condition.

I’m going to do some emotional work as suggested by the link, Understanding Emotions, on my page. It involves spending 15 minutes getting in touch with emotions from a previous experience, and then getting on with your day. Maybe it will help; maybe it won’t. All I know is that I can’t depend on my body to do everything I want to do.

One tool that has been useful to me is a tiny spiral notebook that fits in my purse. I keep grocery lists and to-do lists in it. When I find a new recipe that I want to try, I check to see what I need and add it to my list. When I am running low on a staple, I add that. Okay, it sounds really simple, I know. But I used to forget what I had on hand. I often bought things that were already in my cupboard, and did not buy the things that I needed. It also gives me a feeling of accomplishment to cross things off my list in the grocery store. It makes grocery shopping more enjoyable.

I have a terrible time remembering the errands that I need to do when I leave the house. For example, it took me three days to mail a letter. The first day, I left the letter on my table. The second day, I left it in my purse. The third day, I got my notebook and added “mail letter” to my list. This time, I remembered to put it in the mail. So, whatever I want to do, inside or outside of the house, I write it down. I at least can see where I stand and acknowledge what I’ve accomplished. Pat Galle would be so proud of me. He is an inveterate list-maker. He makes them for himself and everyone around him. I remember once when he was out of the office, I did not find a to-do list on my desk. I went looking for one, thinking he had forgotten to put it on my desk, and I found a list on his desk. At first, I thought it might have been for me, until I read “trim toe nails.” At least I can remember to do that without putting it on a list!

We shall see what today brings. My goals for today are to focus on one thing at a time, appreciate the value of each thing that I do (rather than see it as a bothersome chore), and to enjoy being alive, right here and right now.  We can't redo yesterday, and we can't pre-do tomorrow.  All we have is now.

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life. 

"Time of Your Life" by Green Day