Finding Myself

I mentioned in my previous post that reading a self-help book made me feel worse about myself rather than inspiring me to change.  It was not the author's fault.  I was in a place where I could not use the tools in the book.  I was anxious, confused and not thinking clearly. 

Throughout my life, whenever I was stressed, I would retreat, withdraw from the world.  This, naturally, did nothing to relieve my stress, but only made things worse.  I, in turn, withdrew even more.  By the time I wanted to reach out to someone I felt embarrassed about disappearing.  I also lost social skills.  I would forget how to have conversations with people.

What stressed me?  Waiting in line, driving from one place to another, people blocking the aisle in the grocery store, postage increases, deciding what brand would offer the best value, dealing with bureaucracy, machines that don't work, filling up my car with gas, you name it!  I've started looking at things differently.  I don't see the everyday chores of life as sources of stress.  I see them as the means to achieve what I want.  Putting air in my tires keeps me safe on the road.  Standing in line at the post office for those little stamps lets me use up my old stamps and get rid of that bunch of pennies at the same time - a twofer.  Thinking about the route I travel makes driving more interesting.  It becomes a satisfying activity in itself.  Keeping a running list of things to do, things to take with me, things to get, and questions to ask helps a lot.

I'm starting to feel like I'm getting a grip on life.  I feel like the person inside is starting to emerge.  Just who I am is still a little fuzzy, but I have peace of mind and hope for the future.