Counseling Today, At Last

It's raining today.  Thank goodness.  My yard had almost dried out.  No danger of that, now!  It's definitely soupy again.

Today I have my first counseling session.  I've seen my counselor once, for an intake session.  He asked me a pre-set series of questions from his computer, then turned to face his desk to enter my answers.  In spite of the rather awkward format of the session, I got a good impression from him then, and I've heard other people speak highly of him.  I'm hoping he can help me figure out what a normal life is for me.  Certainly, I am so much better.  I remember the first WRAP session I attended.  We did a review of the principles behind the recovery program.  The first principle is hope, a belief that things can get better.  At the time, I didn't have much hope of ever being a fully-functioning human being.  And to tell the truth, I didn't have much desire, either.  I remember sitting at the table, physically present, but emotionally bankrupt.  I had heard everything before - how to improve your self-esteem, how to turn negative thoughts into positive beliefs, inspiring quotes.  They all sounded hollow in my ears, platitudes for the hobbled.

Today I sit at my own table, looking at the hand-outs from that first day.  I'm still a little cynical about the material.  For example, "Happy thoughts fill you life with happiness."  I mean, come on now.  Yes, attitude is important, but so is having a good grasp on reality.  And being unhappy is not always bad.  It's a good sign that we need to make a change.  But I do have hope, and I do believe that things will get better.  And, as Martha says, "It's a good thing."

I know that I still have a long way to go.  But, oh my gosh, life is so much better than before.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"  Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."  ~~ Charlie Brown