Merry Christmas

Wow, it is chilly this morning!  Brrrr!

I saw lots of familiar, loving faces at church yesterday afternoon, people that I've thought about as I sat captive inside my house.  It was so good to see them.  Some who looked just the same; others who were a little older and a bit frailer.  A family who has increased to six children.  At least, I'm pretty sure it is six.  It was hard to see them all at once to get a good count!  Of course, we sang the old, familiar Christmas carols and heard the story of Christmas.  Msgr. spoke of Jesus being like an outcast.  There was no room for him in the inn, and eventually, no room for him at all in Bethlehem.  He had to leave there and grow up in exile.  His homily resonated with me.  I have felt like an outcast, like I did not belong anywhere.  (It was a result of my mental illness that I felt that way, not the actions of anyone.)  You know, it's funny.  I used to try to hide behind a mask of being self-sufficient.  I guess I thought something terrible would happen if people knew the truth, that I am a broken individual who needs help.  But something terrible did happen; I became more and more isolated, like an outcast.  And now that I am being honest with people, I am finding that they are opening up to me about similar personal struggles, either their own or that of someone in their families.  Nothing terrible is happening; instead, people are thanking me for opening up and sharing my story.

I called Ruthie yesterday to ask if I could meet up with her and her family and sit with them in church.  Now, I knew before I called Ruthie that I would see people I knew at church, and that I would be able to find someone to sit with, but I wanted to enter a pew and sit down together with someone.  It gave me a good feeling.  I always disliked going to church alone. 

It was good that I called Ruthie; otherwise, I would not have gone to church.  At the time approached, I did not want to go.  I'm not sure why.  I did not have time to both sort out my feelings and get ready to go.  Of course, it is not new for me to look forward to something and then not want to go.  Maybe it was just an old habitual response.  I'm making a note in my wellness and recovery toolkit to arrange to meet or to go with someone else when I'm in danger of missing an event.

Well, it's still dark (the first hint of the sun is just appearing in the eastern sky), and it's very quiet and still this morning.  It reminds me of the essence of the Christmas spirit - peace and hope.  Have a wonderful Christmas day!

And what's Christmas spirit without a little playfulness:

Barbara Ehrenreich:


I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, or course, stop to kick a pedestrian who has already been hit. From which it followed, of course, that one would never ever -- on pain of deletion from dozens of Christmas card lists across the country -- vote Republican.