Rain, Rain, Go Away

My neighbor across the street, who got married just last month, teaches at Barbe High School.  I saw both their vehicles at home yesterday, so I stopped by to make sure they were okay.  Sue, who also has battled depression in the past, had taken the day off to see her grandson in a school play.  She told me that she had as many as 34 students in a class at the start of this year.  Some students had to sit on the floor for a time.  I was so glad not to be dealing with large classes like that!  She also told me that a veteran teacher I used to see at the copy machine had taken a break from teaching to deal with deepening depression.  The more I share my story, the more stories I hear about other people's struggles. 

I know that everybody has issues and things they are dealing with.  That's life.  But until I began to open up about my situation, I didn't realize how much I have in common with so many people.  It's funny.  I had felt like such a misfit.  The more I tried to be "normal," the more I felt out of place.  Now I find that the more I reveal who I really am, the more I fit in.

Group was cancelled yesterday due to scheduling problems, which probably turned out to be a good thing, considering the rain we got yesterday.  Thankfully, the rain held off last night and so far this morning.  We are scheduled to have more rain before the front moves through, but so far, so good.  This was the view from my front porch yesterday afternoon.  

As I left the post office yesterday afternoon, I noticed that I was experiencing some anxiety.  There wasn't anything in particular that was bothering me; it was just there.  I spent the afternoon and the evening bundled up on the sofa watching TV.  I didn't want to go to bed last night, and I fell asleep on the sofa at my usual bedtime.  These are two indicators of a downward spiral.  I think the best way to combat this is to stay focused on whatever task I am doing at the moment.  I think that I have been letting my mind wander, thinking about other things.  I haven't engaged in a world of fantasy, but I don't think I have been concentrating on what I'm doing. 

The newness of recovery is beginning to wear off.  As I make the transition into living a full life, I am confronted with choices.  What do I want that life to look like?  Perhaps that is the source of my anxiety.  It's time for me to spend some time thinking about how I want to live my life.

Well, I just printed out this blog and read it.  I reopened it to make some clarifications, and while I was doing that, the skies opened up, and it's now pouring down.  Let's hope it moves through quickly.

To finish the moment, to find the journey's end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom.        ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson