Between the great things we cannot do and the small things we will not do, the danger is that we shall do nothing. ~~Adolph MonodI haven't been doing nothing, but I haven't been doing everything I'd like to do, either. I'd give myself a 7/10 on the achievement scale. Not terrible, but not where I'd prefer. Will today be the day that I start to turn it around? I hope so. I slept much better last night, and I work up at 6:30 this morning, and those are good signs. Time will tell the tale.
The Monod's quote resonates with me because things that I cannot do can overshadow my world and keep me from attending to the things that I can. Obstacles to one thing can cover the doorways to other things in my world. You know, it's one thing for me to admit my failings when I feel like I am making progress. It's another thing when I feel like I'm stuck, especially after making so much progress. I know that the road to recovery is not a straight or even path, and I know that I will have setbacks. It doesn't make me like them any better.
I realize this morning that I am experiencing this free-floating anxiety, fear even. I think it has been building since the cold snap, and it's only now that I am really feeling it. I think I have been unconsciously damping it down.
There are bright spots in all of this. The biggest is that I know I am not alone. I am so grateful for the support of my family. I have friends I can call upon. The WRAP course will begin again on Monday, and that will be helpful as well. Hope, it's a good thing.
Its hard to comment on this posting. I want to say keep the faith, to not be fearful, to focus on what you have accomplished, but I think it may might sound like just more of the same.
ReplyDeleteCarla and I were talking about you yesterday. We both think it is a shame that you cannot make a living with your writing, we both believe it is that good.
So an a positive thought, this blog has certainly helped you hone your writing skills.
I hope you are continuing to print it out to take with you on your first Dr apt. It tells so much; much more than you could relate in a single apt.
I think some of your apprehension may be related to that upcoming appointment. You have waited for this for a long time. RX may really help you. I think you know that. Try to focus on the good to come.