Gratitude

I am grateful for so many things.  Having a place to live, being warm and cozy, having plenty of food (made a delicious beef stew with eggplant, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, okra, corn, onions and celery - yum), electricity, garbage pickup, new drip pans on the stove, new faucets, new door and floor, clean porch, clean house inside and out, awful-looking insulation gone from underneath the house, sleeping well at night, and  most of all, having a family who cares for me.  I can't think about life without them.

I am doing better today, I think.  It's funny how one day can be so different from the next.  There are triggers that can adversely affect my mood, but then there are days, like yesterday, that I simply wake up feeling flat.  I had no energy or interest in anything, and my thinking was fuzzy.  I did not go to group.  I did not have the energy, and I was too afraid to drive myself there.  I wasn't sure I would be safe on the road.  Remembering to appreciate all that is good in my life helped me to get through the day without spiraling down or retreating into a fantasy world.  It was just a long day.

When I exercised yesterday, I was shocked to find out just how weak I am.  I don't think I've ever been so weak.  I was unable to do exercises with my arms that I have always been able to do before.  I did what I could, and I can feel the difference today.  Much of the stiffness I've been feeling is gone, and I feel more energetic.  Well, maybe energetic is overstating things.  I don't feel dead-dog tired today. 

Having more energy definitely elevates my mood.  Maybe that's why I feel better today.  Maybe I just woke up feeling better.  But I have hope that continuing to work out will have a positive effect on my physical and mental self.  I've just got to be careful not to set myself up with unrealistic expectations.  I know that every day won't be a good day; there will be some days that are down days.  But even those down days are so much better than where I was about six weeks ago.  It's important for  me to keep that in perspective.  Gratitude, it's a good thing.