Perseverance

Watched the Saints game yesterday with Shane.  ~~ Did you see that game?  Can you believe it?  They won! ~~  I had a great time.  Shane and I were commiserating with each other over the impending loss, glad not to be watching the game alone.  But then the Redskins missed a gimme field goal, the Saints managed to tie the game, and, oh, my goodness, there was a chance.  It was not a pretty win, but it was an interesting win, with a squiggly punt, a swiped interception, and favorable play reviews turning the game on its head.

Perseverance.  That's what the Saints had (yes, and luck, too), and what all successful people have.  That's what I need right now.  I'm at a place where it's time for me to dig in my heels and and continue the work on myself.  I've made good progress:

• I feel comfortable having conversations with other people.  I am not afraid to ask for what I need, even if they might tell me, "No."  (Well, let's say I am 75% there.  I've made great progress just being able to engage in dialogues with others.)
• I don't have to psyche myself up to leave the house.
• I don't get anxious driving.
• My thinking is clear. 
• I am feeling better physically.  I still have a long way to go, but I am making progress. 

Things that I need to work on:

• Being alert for an automatic I'm OK response.  This is such an ingrained part of me!
• Being aware of my emotions.  I tend to put uncomfortable feelings aside.
• Adding more planning and structure to my life.  The more specific I have been with planning, the more difficult it has been to carry through.  I write this blog every morning, but I don't plan ahead what I'm going to write about.  I sit down, think about the previous day and how I am feeling right now, and start writing.  Although I think this is helpful for this blog, it is not the best way for me to live my life.  I can't continue living my life doing whatever strikes me as most appealing at the moment.  (I've always seemed to have accomplished more and done better work that way.  Most of the time, I've been able to psyche myself up for whatever needed to be done.  But there have been times when I wasn't able to get myself in the mood.  So, either things did not get done at all, or they did not turn out very well.  For example, I had a jacket with sleeves that were too long.  The sleeves needed to be hemmed.  I couldn't get myself in the mood to hem them, so finally, I decided to hem them anyway, in the mood or not.  I did a poor job.  The hems were uneven, and a little bit too short.  I had trimmed away too much fabric to correct.  They looked worse than they had before.)  My goal is to set a schedule of things to do, and to do them well, no matter my mood.  You know, to act like an adult person.   
• Focus. I find that focusing my attention on the task at hand helps with a lot of things.  Even if I am chopping vegetables, thinking about how to chop them makes the task more enjoyable and my efforts more successful.  The zen of Chester - thanks, Chester. 

Persevering in recovery.  It's a good thing, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.  

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew.   -- Saint Francis de Sales